i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize