Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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