there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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