More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
