It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
