you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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