Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
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