She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Randomize
