I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
