I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Randomize