just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
