my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Randomize
