Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
