You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
