I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
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