somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
