I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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