I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
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