im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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