those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Randomize
