The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
