you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
