I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
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