Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
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