I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
