Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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