I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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