You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
