I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Randomize
