WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
