thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
