I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
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