I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
