did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
We're not piercing ourselves today.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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