i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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