Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
