At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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