FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
