no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
worst night to have a conscience
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
