Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Randomize