i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
