i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
