After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
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