1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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