if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Randomize
