We're facebook friends in real life
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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