So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
