I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Randomize