DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Randomize
