Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
