I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
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