This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
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