five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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