My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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