I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
try to milk me bitch
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