Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Randomize