I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
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