I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
How's work?
Spinning.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
