Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
