well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
Randomize
