Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
