I can't watch pbs sober anymore
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
Randomize
