Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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