I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
