he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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