Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
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