I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
