watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
