we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
