Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
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