She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
