i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
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