my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
