btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
