please come you make the beer taste better
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
